Monday, April 16, 2007

TShirt from Heaven


If I stare too long at this t-shirt I just may be overwhelmed by its awesomeness. I was slum-dining at the old Taco Hell when I first spotted this heavenly garment. I was right in the middle of apologizing to my digestive system, using future promises of home-cooked organic somethingorother with beanspouts and tofu to counteract the spectacular stomach-ular abuse I was about to commit. I looked up from the Formica and there it was. Worn by the archetypal, party down at the roadhouse, blues and classic rock dude. The kinda guy for whom radio stations with the letter Q prefacing the numbers were invented, and for whom the "Hells Bells" tolls. And I'm talkin' the kind of radio stations that have fan bases whose main duty in the world is to register vanity license plates spelling out their fave band's name and then go hold them up during that band's coliseum gig.

I love classic rock guy. You can use the "Hello Cleveland!" line a million times and in all different ways and brother still laughs like its the first time he's heard it.

So rather than staring at my unappetizing mess 'o food, I found myself mesmerized by the back artwork of this guy's t-shirt, as he stood in line waiting for his turn to ring the death knell that is Taco Bell. I was also a bit amused by his fried-by-peroxide ponytail sticking out through the back loop of his baseball hat. I think this is urban myth, but I heard that there is somewhere(maybe on the midway at travelling carnivals)where balding guys, who still have the rock itch in their pants, can buy baseball hats with a fake pony tail tacked on. If this is true, somebody send me the deets; I gotta a little blackmarket/urban myth sideline going, and the bounty from Spanish Fly sales can only go so far...

I couldn't make out all the fine print but I certainly recognized most of the Famous Guitars pictured. Curiousity piqued, I actually followed dude out on the street and walked behind him, reading at barely a pace away. I could actually smell the HI-KARATE, or was it Designer-Imposter Dakkar Noir? I couldn't quite tell. But it was something mixed with a topnote of Player's Plain, I can tell you that much. I can also tell you he turned around just as my nose was practically buried in his back as I was leaning in to marvel the Jimmy Page Gibson EDS 1275 guitar. I tried to cover it up by leaning down to tie my shoe, but seeing as I was wearing sandals it didn't exactly work. Oh well, it wasn't the first time I had been Led-astray by the Zep. And it won't be the last either.

For any of ya fellow gear sluts, here's a breakdown! Break it down! Cue the Funky Drummer, and like usual, the dude won't get paid.

Prince's "Yellow Cloud"(currently livin' in the Smithsonian, y'all!)
Eddie Van Halen's "Frankenstein", drill not pictured.
Jimmy's aforementioned double-neck Gibson
SRV's "Lenny". Stevie's high E was a .013! OUCH!!!
Steve Vai- the infamous floral pattern JEM Ibanez(the floral pattern modeled after the floral curtains in Vai's studio!) Perhaps the most unattractive guitar ever. What the 'eff was up with the handle-hole anyway?
Hendrix's "Flaming Strat"
B.B. King's "Lucille"
Bo Diddley's 'The Twang Machine"
Kurt Cobain's Fender Mustang (Cobain's "Jagstang" turned out a bit of an Edsel for Fender unfortunately)
Roger McGuinn's 12string Ricky (Jingle Jangle Mornin')
Randy Rhoads "Polka Dot Flying V" (used when "Flying" was considered a good thing for Randy)

I will not rest until I have this t-shirt. I will not rest until I have found that classic rock dude again. Must have been the HI-Karate.

currently listening to: Tool, Undertow

13 comments:

Allan said...

"balding guys, who still have the rock itch in their pants..."

...should shave their heads and forget about ponytails. Balding hippies are funny looking.

Invisible said...

http://www.guitarplaza.com/fagut.html

its all yours for the low low rice of $17.99!!!!!

Godwhacker said...

Another wonderful post! Tens, tens, tens across the board.

bonjourtristesse said...

Hey all! What up?

Allan! Ponytails on dudes should stay, but only for midwest promotions reps for record companies. :) There's a Spinal Tap ref in there...oh and hey, APRIL WINE RULE!!!!

Hey Visi! THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! gettin' rite on that boat! Seriously, thanks fer the linkage...guitarplaza eh? Sounds like somewhere I'd like to shop, wonder what the food court is like! LOL! Good to see ya!:)

GW!! Thanks so very much, you made me feel like Nadia Comaneci at the Montreal Olympics...what was it...1976? She is a big heroine of mine! Love her! How are you doing? Hope all is well with you, dearest GW!

SamuraiFrog said...

The genius of Brian May goes unrcognized yet again...

I've seen hats with clipped-on ponytails. It's like the clip-on tie of the aging hipster world. I can't find any pictures of it, but I guess it's the sad male equivalent of a fall or hair extensions.

Todd and in Charge said...

Great post, great writing.

But where was Slowhand's Sunburst geetar?

Invisible said...

hmm we could do lunch ... listen to april wine harder faster... and then i could oogle boys while you impress them with your techincal knowledge...

good? awesome.. meet ya there!!

Allan said...

Hey, can I join y'all for lunch? Invis can oogle me while I serenade you with a cappela versions of April Wine classics.

Invisible said...

ALLAN ... sounds perfect!!

start humming... we will get there before the end on the song...

bonjourtristesse said...

Awright!! Lunch date! Vis...pass me the cheese and Allan, sing me the cheese! Whose got the (April) Wine! Wow...thanks Vis, it's a good year and has a nice bouquet! Best lunch date I've had in a long time! Thanks dearest Allan and sweet Vis! Hey! they stuck me with the check!!!!!!! BOOOOOOO! LOL! :) DINE AND DASH!!!

Allan said...

heheheheeeeheeee...can't stop grinning...and grinning...and grinning...

bonjourtristesse said...

Todd and SF! Working on a post to remedy the "overlooks" of both May and Clapton! Good to see ya both! To be continued...:)

Invisible said...

remember Boomkat?

LOL...