Thursday, May 3, 2007

The Depeche Mode Hijack at Hiwatt

Sad to say some of my fave flicks hoover way high in the worst movie cosmos. In cosmos far far away from those that can be found housing more universally applauded and celebrated movies, those found only "in a galaxy far far away..." (click link... you'll find you can almost smell popcorn, and your shoes will suddenly feel like they are sticking to the floor).

In the worst part of the cinema solar system one can locate Saturn 3. Hell, if Richard Branson had the good sense with his mega dollars and cents to charter a craft goin' this way, move over Lance Bass and Steven the Hawkin' MachineBuzz Talkin'...I'm space bound!

You figure with the stellar cast it couldn't go wrong. It did. Harvey Keitel as the bad guy's body, but voice overdubbed by some other dude. Kirk Douglas as the old, naked guy as you will soon see in the clip. And Fa-Fa-Fa-Farrah-ah-ah Fawcett (I think she was still a Majors here)hot off the original Charlie's Angels and wearing her original face. Hollywood insiders say Farrah is not only crazy but snarky and two-faced(and three and four-faced, and booked for a fifth one this summer).

Wanting to enjoy Saturn 3's cinematic brilliance, I did a search on Ewe-toobe. Bingo! Great clip...but it just didn't hit home like it should of. So I decided to fuck with it. For the better. And then repost it to the site. The scene needed some bonus good tunage to give it some ram-a-lam and je ne sais quoi. I thought about it for maybe 2 minutes before I chose "Never Let Me Down" by Depeche Mode. "The Aggro Mix". And there is definitely some aggro goin' on here amongst the "We gotta copy Alien but at half the budget" sets. Check it!

Damn! That shit is so good it shouldn't be legal. Keitel taking a whole pharmacy of space drugs and gettin' the drop kick from the Wilt Chamberlain of robots (what is it with hand loss and sci-fi, Obi-wan? What? Ask Yoda? No...I'm fuckin' sick of all his "there is no try there is only do" shit). And Farrah, in perhaps her greatest career move, covering up the thing that gave us all...Michael Douglas. Thanks for that Kirk. I can say with full confidence that I am a better person for seeing Michael Douglas doing the swingin'bachelor dance in not one flick but 3 - Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, and Romancing the Stone. Yep, Kirk thanks a lot for that. Yes, you truly are inadequate in every area.

I find it good and fascinating also, that Farrah loves facelifts so much that she decides to pull Kirk's head 'n hair to try and give him one too.

So I hope whoever posted the original clip won't be mad at me for highjackin' and giving it some bonus good musical accompaniment. I think it works. Makes it better. But I am offering an apology to them just the same, just as I am apologizing to you for the irreparable damage I may have caused in contributing to the image of a naked Kirk Douglas permanently seared onto your retinas.


Not sorry.

currently listening to: Ida, Tales of Brave Ida


Allan said...

You are awesome. Totally.

bonjourtristesse said...

Hey Allan...NO U ARE!!!!!!! Never forget that okay, Silver lining! Totally.

Invisible said...

Sticks and stone... blah fucking blah.. HAHA

OMG .. space highs?? would that put us al out of jurisdiction and furthermore not count on our sobriety tracks speeding straight into the seventh level of hell?
Yes you say? Fucking great.Then I am in. Ill pack the picnic basket. :D

SamuraiFrog said...

Oh, man, that is just so wrong. I've seen that movie and...ouch.

Fun fact: Kirk Douglas is actually my favorite actor.

Todd and in Charge said...

Just great! I saw this in the theaters when it came out, and still get excited when Farrah disrobes to jump into the sack with old man Kirk Douglas.

Yep, Douglas is that hot.

Invisible said...

Sacha Baron Cohen to play Freddie Mercury? 2:16PM / 04.05.2007


Musical biopics are the latest craze: Films depicting James Brown, Jeff Buckley, Marvin Gaye, and Joey Ramone, among many others, are currently in the works. Another of particular interest has recently cast its lead role. Sacha Baron Cohen, the hirsute and comical actor from faux-doc blockbuster Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, has signed to on to portray flamboyant Queen frontman Freddie Mercury in a forthcoming yet-to-be titled film, the U.K.'s Mirror reports.

Cohen, 35, reportedly nudged out Johnny Depp for the role, which will depict Mercury's music, wild lifestyle, and untimely death in 1991 at the age of 45, due to an AIDS-related illness. "Film makers are working flat out to get the best possible script," an unidentified source told the Mirror. "Sacha loves the idea he can get away with playing Freddie after modeling Borat's look on him." But tickling our thinker is who will be cast to play the part of Queen axeman Brian May and shred out his mountainous rock solos. Andrew Stockdale of Wolfmother's got the hair...

Ok, I hate biopics as a film genre, they suck and are boring as hell and I much rather want to see a documentary with real footage of Freddie's life. BUT, if they are going to go with this, then I love that Sacha is the one portraying him.

Who do you think should play Roger Taylor, Brian May and John Deacon?


OMG... get to ONTD...STAT!!!!!

Invisible said...

he edged out my god... i mean johnny depp????

I sooo need those valiums, xanax, and percosets.. this just aint right.

Allan said...

Unforgetting, totally. Talk soon!

bonjourtristesse said...

Hey kids! Hope yer day wuz good...finally home yay!!

Hey Visi! Yeppers, space highs are the...wave of the future duh! LOL! guess ya will be joining me! Wahoo!!!! Picnic basket? Hell yeah!I'll bring the ruby slippers and Toto too and off to Oz we go!

SF!knew you would just love that clip...I'm filing away the info of your Kirk Douglas love for future torment! LOL!!! That will be fun!
actually I really dig on him too...classic Hollywood...aren't he and Liz Taylor the only known survivors currently? LOL!

Todd! Oh man? The Theatre??? Your MOney was paid for a ticket, for this atrocity? GOOD STUFF! You are all that more cooler in my books! LOL!!!I wonder what the latest Douglas has in store for us (Cameron, I think is mIke's son). Probably hear about his rehab stints...

Vis...Borat as Freddie...the stars are out of alignment...thanks fer the deets!!! Should have been lovely Johnny, although I would love to see Johnny doing an Edward Scissorhands sequel, or just sitting around reading the phone book...he can do no wrong in my eyes...I went to ONTD today...god it's all Britney's shows and Paris going to jail)Hope yer doing good, will talk to ya tomorrow when I'm good and to your family...

Allan! great great post today brother
...yeppers tomorrow is cool! talk soon!:D

Invisible said...

If JD stops by to read your phone book please YOUTUBE it... thanks..

or ya know... make a lil trip to austin.?? (ill drive the rest of the way!)

Allan said...

15 minutes until air time and what am I doing? Tell ya soon!