Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Death Valley of the Jon Doll

T-minus 2 months until the Jon Bon Jovi doll hits the streets. And oh lord, once I get my hands on the plastic replica of the rather plastic rocker, hittin' the streets with it is just one of the many projects I have planned. I will also hit the mailbox with it. And the ice that needs to be crushed for my lemonade. Why knock and bruise my knuckles when I can just whip out Jonny-boy and alert people to my arrival by pounding on the door with his head? I'm tired of using that same boring stick that I use every morning to poke old Barney, the neighbourhood rummy, to check to see if he is still alive. I'm going to attach Bon Jovi to the end of said stick so that when Barney wakes up he'll think he's front and centre at the "Slippery When Wet" tour. But then again, the doll appears more "Have a Nice Day" era. No matter. Barney will break into a rousing chorus of "Wanted Dead or Alive" anyway. Like he always does.

I won't tie a fishing line around his neck and drag him from a bus. That's just too Napoleon Dynamite. But the dynamite motif intrigues me. I think what I'll do is replace the tiny plastic microphone that Jon doll is holding with one of those tiny little fire crackers that are like little mini h'orderves of TNT. And then, like at any concert worth it's salt, flic my bic.

Now that's what I call going out in a 'Blaze of Glory".

Serves you right Jon, for not fighting harder to have the company issue a Tico Torres doll.


currently listening to: Fugazi, 13 Songs


Allan said...

I just renamed my sledgehammer 'JonBon' in honor of this post.
See ya soon!

SamuraiFrog said...

All excellent ideas, as far as I'm concerned. If you only had a dog, too, tying Jon to a fishing pole and lowering and raising him could be fun.

Invisible said...

no time... in severe pain...going to dentist later..

BUT.. look!!

bonjourtristesse said...

Hey all! Crazy day! How's da gang???

hey Allan! Sounds like a great name for the be used on the ultimate tool...everytime I write something that I think is crap I just compare it to JonTool's stellar lyrical contribution in that wonderful bonjovi powerballad "Bed of Roses" and I instantly feel better about my own to ya around 9!

SF! thank you so very much...oh I like the fishing pole idea...worth getting a dog would have to be a pitbull formerly owned by Bad Bad Leroy Brown so it would be meaner than a junk yard dog!!!

Vis! Poor girl!!! You just hang in and hope it goes okay....checkin out the link...better not have Bon Jovi on the bill that's all I gotta say!!! :D