Death Valley of the Jon Doll

T-minus 2 months until the Jon Bon Jovi doll hits the streets. And oh lord, once I get my hands on the plastic replica of the rather plastic rocker, hittin' the streets with it is just one of the many projects I have planned. I will also hit the mailbox with it. And the ice that needs to be crushed for my lemonade. Why knock and bruise my knuckles when I can just whip out Jonny-boy and alert people to my arrival by pounding on the door with his head? I'm tired of using that same boring stick that I use every morning to poke old Barney, the neighbourhood rummy, to check to see if he is still alive. I'm going to attach Bon Jovi to the end of said stick so that when Barney wakes up he'll think he's front and centre at the "Slippery When Wet" tour. But then again, the doll appears more "Have a Nice Day" era. No matter. Barney will break into a rousing chorus of "Wanted Dead or Alive" anyway. Like he always does.

I won't tie a fishing line around his neck and drag him from a bus. That's just too Napoleon Dynamite. But the dynamite motif intrigues me. I think what I'll do is replace the tiny plastic microphone that Jon doll is holding with one of those tiny little fire crackers that are like little mini h'orderves of TNT. And then, like at any concert worth it's salt, flic my bic.

Now that's what I call going out in a 'Blaze of Glory".

Serves you right Jon, for not fighting harder to have the company issue a Tico Torres doll.


Tico...denied!


currently listening to: Fugazi, 13 Songs