An Open Letter to Those Who Rule Muppet World

I think it's about time The Muppets Empire created a new superstar band. C'mon, Henson puppet people, as much as I adore Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, it's time for y'all to design and execute a more contemporary bunch of music stylin' puppets that are more about the guitar rawk and less about Zoot's saxophone squawk. And, give Animal a break. He and I would both appreciate it if he was sent to the Island of Misfit Toys for an extended vacay. Send Teeth downtown for a more updated grill while yer at it.


In choosing a band to model these new puppets after, look no further than the incredible Swedish outfit The Soundtrack of Our Lives. This group is absolutely the best gift Sweden has given to me, even above and beyond that Ikea lamp that has somehow stayed with me throughout 8 moves of house. The lead singer, Ebbot Lundberg, sort of reminds me of Dr. Teeth, except for the gold tooth...Ebbot doesn't have one, but bass player Kalle certainly does. Check out TSOOL's vid for "Sister Surround" to see for yourself. Make sure you pay attention around the 1:31 mark where Ebbot takes a kick right in the Swedish Meatballs. Ouch.


If I were to hand a shopping list worth of perfect qualities to the deity on high workin' it out on music's Mount Olympus and were to say "Make it So...once you are finished destroying Britney", the band eventually delivered to my doorstep would be, without a doubt, The Soundtrack of Our Lives.

Sheer perfection of song and of style. So what if the one guitarist is cribbin' from Townshend right down to the windmill? So what if the lead singer is wearing a crazy Sherwani and looking slightly Brian Wilson "The Stay in Bed Years"? At least he knows that slimming black hides a multitude of sins. So what if the drummer is pulling trix with stix bigtime so as to draw attention away from his comb-over? These are the very things that make this band Muppet Worthy. Look at the gear! An SG, a Ricky and a Firebird V? Get outta town! White amps? It doesn't get much better than this, folks. Such energy, such animation, with loads of personality. And fuckin' top haircuts. The bass player is the first dude who can play his axe propped up at nipple height and still look cool. Each band member has got his own thang goin on. Sweden definitely has got it goin' on too. Obviously.

So please, rulers of the domain known as Muppetworld, please use TSOOL as your prototype for your next puppet music group.

The Swedish Chef would be down with his fellow countrymen joining the ranks.


"TSOOL? Ja, ja! Bork! Bork! Bork!"


currently listening to: TSOOL, A Present from the Past. Obviously.