Bettie Page 1923-2008

RIP Bettie.

Happy Birthday Buck Henry!

Holy fuck, do I love Buck. The great man turned 78 today, and like a stack of 78 rpm records at a Shriner's rummage sale, his housing may be old, but man, the grooves and the melodies contained within are pure legend and without a doubt stand the tests of time and trend. (Don't underestimate the musical tastes of the Shriners, yo.)

Buck is bar none my favourite screenwriter. His screenplays translate to me like great pieces of music...tempo, timing, flow, crescendo build up to big bang payoff...it's all there. And fuck if you don't laugh until yer gut hurts like a sumbitch.

If you love "The Graduate", you gotta love Buck. His screenplay for "To Die For", is well, just that, and "What's Up, Doc?" is so flawless that it makes me weep for the young and short set who are unaware of it, and think comic genius begins and ends with a SNL Digital Short. Fools! Kids, Trix ain't for you anymore, they're being played on ya! Twilight=great literature...HA HA HA...good one...it worked!!!

Here's a short slice of the magic that happens when great comedic writing glides good, well, and properly improper with great comedic performance. If Eunice Burns (Madeline Kahn, RIP) were real I'd want to be her best friend, try on her wig, go shopping for some Spanx, and ask her to organize my schedule.



Yes Eunice, there is a Buck Henry. Thank God.


currently listening to: Spoon, Gimme Fiction (but just not the Twilight Series)

Dig the Chuzz...Becuzz

'Tis the season to sign yer name. Sign the visa slips thrown at you by surly cashiers, and sign the stack o' company Xmas cards. This year I have the extra bonus of signing a multitude of paperwork related to medical/legal issues regarding my accident. Damn, so sick of it...I am on the verge of signing the next thing foisted upon me with the old tried and true "Heywood Jablome". I think John Hancock should step aside and let Heywood come out from the seedy world of crank calls and into the bright light of the popular lexicon.

Hey, Heywood wouldn't be that bad of a guy, just an unfortunate victim of both inbreeding and of his extensive collection of Jackyl records. Immature and slightly perverted, but surely a misunderstood Boo Radley minus the nobility? I would be happy to share with him a bottle of Spamante Bambino taken from his cinderblock winerack anytime. Just wouldn't be able to condone his inbreeding is all.

I do condone The Inbreds however. A stellar duo that showed us the power of two long before the White Stripes came along to paint the town red...and white...and black, and whatever colour Mondrian was splashin' around.

Big diff tho'...The Inbreds were a drum and bass combo, and they didn't see the absence of a guitar as a problem, rather as a challenge. Challenge met. Exceeded. Brilliance. Chuzz.

Chuzz is the glorious mixture of chunk and fuzz. Mike the bassist, wisely chose a Music Man StingRay for good, hefty, and fat bottom and dressed that chunky junk in the trunk in gigantic granny pants of buzz. The sound, the tone...oh man...I'm getting excited... aroused...Heywood Jablome?

No? Fine then. Just watch "Sense of Time" okay? Jeeze.



currently listening to: The Inbreds, Kombinator

We Were Young, We Were Golden, We Were Late Nite Record Retail

Dave, Cheryl, Rockerchick Heather, Joanne (VINNIE!), Derek, Jen, Scott, Ryan, Sean, Shelley...

Love and respect to you all.




"Sweet little baby, she's my hot dog bun"

Sweet memories turn spandex trash into timeless treasure. FACT.

currently listening to: The Smithereens, 11

Your WTF Moment for Today

Maybe you have already had yer "what the fuck?" moment for today...sorry if I'm adding to the pile but that particular in-tray was made for over-flowin' as long as the world continues its game of suck and blowin'.

Anyweird, if one is interested in history, one knows the name Josef Mengele. According to the oh so reliable wiki, the DJ Doctor of Death had a son who had a son. The grandson has a youtube channel where he chronicles his experiences with being a fattie. Let the Battle of the Bulge jokes begin, sometimes history charts itself with such finesse and irony that jokes are not only appreciated, they are a solid given.

I'm not gonna link to his youtube channel, get on the googletreadmill yourself, do a finger sprint and cross the finish line into the happy go lucky, fit and trim world of the spawn of Mengele. Unlike his grandpappy after the war, Mengele v3.0 is quite easy to find. But the find makes me personally uneasy, and a tad kinda queasy.

The comment section is the best.

I think "your grandpa sucks." was my favourite.

currently listening to: L'Affaire Dumoutier, The Box

Thinking Inside the Box

How great is this vid? How great is this song? How great are French Canadian accents? How great is the crazy dude who, on his way to a bank heist with his other Reservoir Dog palsy-walsies, somehow got lost and ended up somewhere in rural Quebec? Mon dieu!

The police chief dude is pretty rite-on as well. He's got that great combo of beard, 'stache, and cascading waterfall hair that one would expect a man of great judicial power to have. Too bad half that sandwich he was scarfin' down in the police car ended up in said beard. Dude looks like Godley from Godley and Cream. Or does he look like Cream? Which one is which? Shit man, who knows?



Is this Godley, or is it Cream...and really does anybody care anymore? It makes me wanna CRY!!!!


This man cracked open two cases in one day, a murder case and a Celine Dion CD case...HERO!!!


currently listening to: Rene Simard on youtube ("L'Oiseau")

"It's Been A Long Time Since I Rock 'N Rolled"

Classic. Thanks Robert Plant for the lyric...perfectly sums up the state of my blogging habits at the moment. You can always count on Zep cuz they give/gave good lyric. My sixth grade teacher was no fool...he pulled out "Stairway" to give us an exercise in recognizing verbs, nouns, adjectives, and adverbs. I have fond memories of the kid who drank glue asking, "Teacher, what's a hedgerow?" Holy fuck, I just realized that an eon later I still don't fuckin' know. But props to Plant for gettin' us all thinking. It may have been the last time the glue-drinker could conjure up thought...soon enough he had progressed to sniffing it. Classic.

The glue kid's best friend (besides that damn cow on the Elmer's), was this miracle of genetics, that when reading aloud in biology pronounced "organism" as "orgasm". Seriously. Little dude didn't realize what he was saying. Years later I figured out why the teacher was smirking, and it creeped me out that the effin' perv didn't bother to correct him. Fuckin' biology teachers, peeking into microscopes by day, peeking into college dorm windows by night. Not so classic.

You know what's classic? This is random but I just watched the original "The Postman Always Rings Twice". The embodiment of classic is Lana Turner in that fetch, fetch, fetching white getup that starts up one of the best pussy whips in cinema history. Poor John Garfield's character, brother didn't stand a chance.



At first glance, you are saying, "What is UP with that headgear, Lana?" I mean, who other, than Madame the puppet rocks that sort of look effectively?

Lana, baby. Lana.

In tribute to Lana, here is one fabulous Ewe-Toobe featuring the legendary (as in "WHO??") Eric Root. Lana's personal hair stylist, as well as stylist to many other kings and queens of the wood we call Holly.

It's....you guessed it...classic.



Currently listening to: Eric Root confessing that Lana herself killed Stompanato, not her daughter, Cheryl...WHOAH!!!