HI-WATT-cha doing?: Slowhand

After "Blackie" was auctioned off for a stunning $959,000, Clapton's iconic axe travelled to the Fender Custom shop to be studied, analyzed, and probed. Only cigarette burns on the headstock gave any hint of the debauchery seen by this most revered Strat. Although... when air hosing the deeply embedded dust from around the single coils, The Rawkin' The Labcoat team found that the particles gleaned had a white, crystalline appearance. Strangely, the lab then remained locked from the inside for the rest of the day and night. Sniffity Sniff!

Here's the thing about Clapton. Amongst his many virtues, loyalty and good sportsmanship can be counted high on that list. Evidence of these wonderful character traits are clearly illustrated when one views the 1969 footage of Slowhand guesting with the Plastic Ono Band at the "Live Peace in Toronto" gig at Varsity Stadium(13 hours! 18 bands! $6.00 bucks!). There's Yoko wailing away, doing her avant-garde thang and...hmmm...how does one say this gracefully...sucking bigtime and there's Clapton hammering away, supporting and by the very token of his appearance on that stage, endorsing and lending his cred to the woman his buddy John was absolutely entranced with. You can almost read his mind, "John, dude. You owe me one." Not to in any way undermine Lennon's sincerity and commitment to the peace movement, but often I tend to wonder if there was not a stronger,way more personally motivated subtext to his philanthropy. Like, every time he was singing his famous anti-war anthem he was pleading concurrently "All I am saying, is give Yoko a chance...she gives me great sex."

Here's the other thing about Clapton. The general consensus is that dude is God in guitar circles, but never has such a hero to the masses had such an air of non-descriptiveness to his person(more so in his early days). He just appeared sort of generic next to the more flashy turnout of his contemporaries.

Would you have been able to in-a-flash identify Clapton in this pic if it wasn't labelled? I wouldn't. Not right away. It's the, what I like to call, The Steve Miller Complex. Everyone and his uncle owns Miller's "Greatest Hits 74-78". For camping excursions here's the dealio-unpack the car, fire up the Steve Miller, start drinking the Miller and then fire up the outdoor Griller. And yet, how many people really know what dude looks like? That's right. 86. Not counting the gangster o' love, the space cowboy, and wait for it...so obvious...Maurice. Steve's like the Unknown Comic of the music world. What a Joker.

On the other end of the scale,everyone recognizes Brian May. Instantly. Must be the hair, which of course hasn't really changed since he first started comin' round. His current complex is one I like to call the Oldguyface/Youngdudehair Complex. But Brian wears it well, unlike that dickhead Don Imus.

Brian's Red Special guitar deserves special mention because it was completely handcrafted by Brian and his hip dad, Harold. Legend has it Brian spent a grand total of 17 and a half British pounds to make it. I think he made a return on his original investment. It is also quite interesting to note that May has been known to use a sixpence coin as a pick. Facts like this thrill me. I need to get out more.

The final complex I want to discuss is my own Giant Complex. I don't mean that I have a huge complex towards something. I simply mean that I have a fear of giants. The Godzillas, and the Goliaths. Gentle Giant is rad, but evil giants scare the shit out of me. My nightmares almost always involve being chased down by a giant. I completely blame Queen for this. As a little girl I would freak out whenever I saw this album.